RAK hit and run

From today's Gulf News (extracts below):

An American journalist working for an English daily from Abu Dhabi has run over an Egyptian security guard at the entrance of a university here because the guard denied him access to the campus.

The security guard did not allow entry to the journalist identified as "J." because he did not have an "entrance permission" which is a must for visitors as per the university regulations.

The Egyptian security guard is demanding Dh50,000 in compensation, and the university is demanding to continue with the case against the journalist and his sponsoring organisation.

The sources said that it has been reported that this particular journalist had repeatedly entered the university surreptitiously. He had entered with the university students and without holding any proper permission and this harmed the university's image. The sources said that the journalist had violated the privacy of the university.

Inspirational leadership

From a comment:

Could I suggest urgent new thread based on the following letter sent to all AMG staff today - maybe DMO readers can comment on the "unique story of this organisation"?

Dear All,

As you are all aware we are all witnessing the dawn of a Change. Markets are shifting and organizations are being called upon to reassess their businesses and drive their activity towards consumer needs.

As a group, we are not immune to the depth and severity of this situation that has been reflected in our daily lives as well as our business in their different shapes and forms. The current Global economic tides have forced us into a careful recalculation of our business decisions.

To address the challenges we face, now more than ever, we need to restructure our business and transform AMG into a results driven organisation, which values quality over quantity and is focused on accelerating its rate of growth. As a result, very difficult decisions, including Staffing, will have to be made today.

We want to remember the unique story of this organisation and how we have shown, within a short time, our innovative roots and strong vision.

To fully realize our potential, we will all need to make adjustments and compromises. I am confident that if we work together, as one team, we will come out of this difficult time in our history even stronger and be well placed to multiply our growth moving forward.

Thanks and regards,

Mohamed Almulla

Group Executive Director

Go for your lives.......

Radio kaka

Another new thread request:

Can we get a thread going about the 'legal' issues between ENG and Fujairah Radio Network? This is apparently the reason that Coast is just playing music on a loop. Surely that has to be more interesting than 'Taps and Washers Weekly' being suspended by shite-TP.

Anyone got any info..?

Turning the mirror back on PR

One commenter has requested we tackle the issue of PR; we agree - let's face it, half of you will end up working in PR anyway, so we're all for it.

How about we do PR for a while. Stop sending me 2009 calendars, stop 'reverting shortly', stop saying 'do you remember me, we worked together with...' (yes moron, i remember you - I'm not 94 years old). Stop filling every press release with the following words: solution, integrated, delighted, strategic, iconic, leading, inaugural.

Who gives a crap if a two bit company has been 'awarded' a contract? if the company is listed maybe, but most aren't so why bother - all it does is tell people how small the company actually is. Why do you approach me about clients you clearly know nothing about? Why do you think i would like to go to dinner with your insurance company client - even if it is free! If i say i'm not interested why do you approach my colleagues trying to get in that way - no means no!

Why, if your client's stock price is going down faster than a Somali hooker, aren't you having them talk to the public about how great their order book is? What the hell is your job if not to make the company more viable to investors?!?!?!

I could go on but i also know my co-media member friends will want to shout loud about the utterly ridiculous crap they receive and deal with each day. PR in the UAE, its not just the media that is full of people who couldn't get a job anywhere else.

Is there still no love lost between PR and media? If there are so many ex-journos in PR, why are the press releases still craply written? And, do any PR people have any balls? And do any of them truly understand deadlines - especially for news wires?

Update: and what happens when a magazine like MEED hires JiWin to do its PR? At a time when the construction and real estate industries are falling apart, will MEED have to stick its neck in to avoid upsetting some of JiWin's clients, like Sama Dubai, Tatweer, Tecom and Dubai International Capital?

Mental blocking

Whoops. ArabianBusiness.com has finally been blocked by Etishite. After a quick bypass of the proxy, we can't see anything offensive, unless its the exclusive about Dubai Mall being delayed again. Apparently the site falls foul of the Prohibited Content Categories. Does anyone know who has had their feathers ruffled over the website's content? Or was a Motivate minion a bit bored, and contacted the TRA to get the site blocked?

Vanity fare

It seems the UAE isn't the only country that loves its vanity publishing . Wonder if the Cook County magazine had better or worse spelling and grammar than we get here?

What's next for What's On?

Motivate is now officially on the market, as Obaid al Tayer apparently doesn't want to buy out Ian Fairservice.

Any ideas what will become of this bastion of Dubai publishing? And what will happen to Ian, the Godfather of Advertorial?

Banned on the run

A recent comment on DMO asked: "I'm about to leave a Dubai publishing company and move to another. I am presuming my company won't want me to go to a competitor (ie rival publisher, the titles aren't in direct conflict), but I'm reassured that DMC don't uphold bans on journos. Anyone had problems making a move?"

Forget about press freedom - are hacks able to move between companies without incurring a work ban? Do publishing houses use nefarious means to spoil a former employee's move? And, do they pay up on gratuities or force you to pay back huge sums of "relocation" fees? In pre-Dubai Media City days, it used to be far better for a journo to get themselves sacked if it was after less than three years at the company than it was to resign, which meant their gratuity was reduced by two-thirds.

What are the implications for a hack wishing to leave their job if they realise they've made a terrible mistake/been lured to Dubai under false pretences/hate everyone they work with/get offered more money from The Nation*? (* delete as applicable)

Actual journalists need not apply

There is lame, and then there is Dubai media lame, and then there is the execrable bloody human excrement dregs of lame that appears to be Martin Newland's new newspaper The Nation, as well as his journalistic courage.

The Press Gazette's Axegrinder dug up these nasty little nuggets. You can read the full excerpts here and here, but here is our favourite little piece of turd-dom:

"I can tell you now that every application from a journalist wanting to come and work here who has included in his or her portfolio an "investigative" piece about labourers' living standards has gone straight in the bin. Not because the theme is unworthy – it is and we will do it – but because we are looking for other, more nuanced and mature avenues into the national story."

So essentially if you are a journalist with the least miniscule microbe of talent, experience, news sense and ethics, no need to bother applying to Newland's Abu Dhabi government PR rag. Not unless you first sit UAE Media Course 101: How to prostitute every last shred of your integrity for the sheikh's oily dollar.

Come On Eileen

You're everyone's favourite and most respected PR exec in Dubai, so why are you lowering yourself to the Ahlan! Shit 100?

It's a shame betting's forbidden in Dubai, or we could run a book here on what spectacularly crap nonentities will slime themselves into the list this year (along with a few token charidee people to show us that being Shit! Hot! is not just about being driven around in Neil Petch's wankmobile).

On a more serious note, if you're bored of London then you're probably bored of Dubai. Because Dubai is just London (but crapper) and ten years too late. The rise and decline of London as a pan-Arab media hub is the most prophetic synopsis of Dubai's media scene ever penned [our bold]:

In its heyday, London was home to scores of Arabic publications of diverse provenance, function and quality: From lavishly-subsidised journals with pretensions to a worldwide readership, political publications of every persuasion and cheaply-printed dissident tracts, to glossy lifestyle magazines, sophisticated cultural titles and mischievous (or merely mercenary) gossip-purveyors.

Bush whack

You mean National Bush Day wasn't a genuine, real, we love America, public holiday? Apparently, size counts in Bush's case: the size of his helicopter, according to media in the free world .... Read more here.

Thanks Holy Moly!

The Devil Wears Primark

It seems that working for media in Dubai can generate instant class status. An anonymous tip claims that the editor of an ITP magazine has requested that all photographers call her Ma'am. Guess which one?

Quiz: guess the "vibrant" media company

This ad landed in my inbox. I have cut out the name of the the company, let us see if you can all guess who it is, from the description:

[MYSTERY COMPANY] is a leading media company based in Dubai, one of the fastest growing, most vibrant and cosmopolitan cities in the world, as well as being tax-free and sunny all year round.

Priding itself on ideas, solutions, speed and impact, [MYSTERY COMPANY] has a diverse range of operations...

Critically, the applicant must have an interest in the world, contemporary design and global trends, which will enable them to help stimulate and catalyse creativity, through thought-provoking and challenging ideas in a television environment.

Tut tut

This was a comment in an earlier post, but is worth its own mention:

"A cheeky PR lady has just helped her hack fiancé win the laptop which was a competition prize in a press conference this week, so either guess which brand it was, or guess who the hack and the lady were?"

Note from DMO Ed: let's hope he isn't a journo from ITP, as we all know he would have to hand it in if it was worth more than $30, wouldn't he?

The Standard Slips

According to 7days, ITP's chances of getting a licence for its daily business paper are "virtually non-existent". Surely a company like ITP wouldn't make the mistake of boasting about a newspaper launch, bragging about "Western standards of journalism", hiring the staff, producing dummies, spending bucket loads of cash etc without making sure they'd got the licence first? Would they? Oh, hold on, they've done it once before. Oops.

A fairytale love story for Dubai's most glamorous couple

Glowing with happpiness and pre-marital dewy delight, ITP sales supremo and frequent Ahlan Top 100er Neil Petch, and his beautiful model girlfriend Olga, are delighted to announce their wedding website, at www.neilandolga.com

Guests will enter to the beautiful strains of Ella Fitzgerald singing Dream A Little Dream in a stunning Flash presentation designed by one of Dubai's hottest web designers.

On the front page the bride-to-be wears a stunning yellow Cavalli cocktail dress, showing off the elegant curves that Neil so admires. The model's long blonde tresses flow free about her shoulders, and the look is finished off with simple diamond stud earrings and a deep red rose. Neil is resplendent in a dapper Armani jacket and crisp white linen shirt.

The couple have decorated their website in a theme of floral pink with Copperplate font details, designed to add a touch of romance and elegance to every page. As they invite us into their beautiful cyber-home, Neil reveals what first made him fall in love with his beautiful model girlfriend.

"My lovely fiancée Olga is a luminous beacon of joy," the proud groom-to-be confesses. "Kind, sexy, funny, wise, Olga has it all. Beats me how one can be modest with all that, but she’s that too, in spades."

As the couple recline in a photographed beach, Olga models a daring Gucci bikini and jaunty sunhat. Neil, after enjoying a Cuban cigar with the many VIP media and celebrity friends that will join him for his stag night, shows off his bronzed pecs as he frolics in the surf of a pristine golden beach.

Close encounter - but for who?

Confirmation of what we had hoped was a vicious rumour has come in the form of The Secret, Secret Dubai's newsletter, which arrived in the DMO in-boxes today. The typically veiled snippet referred to a "notorious H.A.C.K" who was in the UAE on a false passport.

Yes pop pickers, could Mr X be back in town? Dubai media veterans may recall his former aliases, which include: ITP journo, 7Days, freelance "PR" consultant, accompanier of ladies of negotiable affection. Oh, and in case we forget, convicted felon.

Mr X has had a couple of stays in a Dubai jail already, for alcohol-abetted auto scrapes and japes. How on earth could he get back in the country, we hear you ask?

Our second source confirms: "He's in town on a false passport and already got picked up by the Jebel Ali cops. They suspected who he was, but couldn't be bothered to pursue it, and let him go."

Rumour mill in overdrive

This one is spreading like wildfire - apparently ITP is suing Haymarket through its UK presence over the loss of Campaign Middle East. Can anyone shed any light on the matter?

Parchment and quill, anyone?

It hasn't been a good day for technology here at DMO Towers. Firstly, we were very excited to hear that the Dubai Press Club had launched its website for the Arab Media Forum 2007. Until we realised that the website (dpcmediaforum.com) doesn't work.

Then, trying to read all about Etisalat's record profits (yes, du is really putting up a strong fight), DMO hacks were disappointed to see that not one of the links worked on the daily alert email from arabianbusiness.com.

Ahlan's turgid 100

Having just got back from a holiday in the land of civilisation, it's taken me a while to clicking through the Ahlan top 100 online. I didn't think this display of egos, money and lack of taste could get any worse. I was wrong - what a list of dross.

I can't understand any logic or rationale in having people like Sharla Musaibih (women's shelter) or the lady who campaigns for the blind alongside a load of wanky DJs and owners of a couple of clothes shops, alongside a few random Emiratis placed solely for wasta/desperation/ad revenue purposes. Special mention goes to the entire AlZa'al family - I was almost disappointed not to see their servants and dogs with their own rankings.

And as for the ghastly horror that said this: her "dream Dubai project" would be to create an entirely different kind of exhibition. "I'd like to open a floating visual room of powerful images for everyone to step into and experience," Emma says.

I'd like to open a room full of the shredded viscera of every single person on this godforsaken list (except the charity people who should never have been tarred with Ahlan's drossy brush in the first place) and cram Ahlan's entire readership into it lock the bloody door until their Botoxed faces start to shrivel and they self-combust with the horror of spending an entire year without being seen at Sho Cho/Boudoir/BloodyBuddha Bar. Perhaps that fantasy will get me a listing in next year's Shite100?

The only good point was that a couple of hideously fake expat brats I know dropped out of the rankings, as did Neil "I have lots of cars and am friends with models" Petch and Walid "successful ITP media scion" Akawi. Or maybe they are the cover stars of the print version, which I can't be arsed to look at.

And before ITP slaves point out that my criticism comes out of jealousy, or that it's great how they have inspired this post, they are wrong. My sources tell me that Ahlan has been turned down more times than Britney Spears' rehab counsellor.