Friday 2 March 2007

Ahlan's turgid 100

Having just got back from a holiday in the land of civilisation, it's taken me a while to clicking through the Ahlan top 100 online. I didn't think this display of egos, money and lack of taste could get any worse. I was wrong - what a list of dross.

I can't understand any logic or rationale in having people like Sharla Musaibih (women's shelter) or the lady who campaigns for the blind alongside a load of wanky DJs and owners of a couple of clothes shops, alongside a few random Emiratis placed solely for wasta/desperation/ad revenue purposes. Special mention goes to the entire AlZa'al family - I was almost disappointed not to see their servants and dogs with their own rankings.

And as for the ghastly horror that said this: her "dream Dubai project" would be to create an entirely different kind of exhibition. "I'd like to open a floating visual room of powerful images for everyone to step into and experience," Emma says.

I'd like to open a room full of the shredded viscera of every single person on this godforsaken list (except the charity people who should never have been tarred with Ahlan's drossy brush in the first place) and cram Ahlan's entire readership into it lock the bloody door until their Botoxed faces start to shrivel and they self-combust with the horror of spending an entire year without being seen at Sho Cho/Boudoir/BloodyBuddha Bar. Perhaps that fantasy will get me a listing in next year's Shite100?

The only good point was that a couple of hideously fake expat brats I know dropped out of the rankings, as did Neil "I have lots of cars and am friends with models" Petch and Walid "successful ITP media scion" Akawi. Or maybe they are the cover stars of the print version, which I can't be arsed to look at.

And before ITP slaves point out that my criticism comes out of jealousy, or that it's great how they have inspired this post, they are wrong. My sources tell me that Ahlan has been turned down more times than Britney Spears' rehab counsellor.

8 comments:

inmotion said...

jealous of what?

you said it .. shrivled up botox gone bad visages or the lack of substance subsititued with designer outfits bought with borrowed money .. i keep asking myself they are the top 100 of what exactly?

The loser's day parade?

Anonymous said...

I was thinking of trying to figure out how to get into it next year, just so I can take the piss.

Anonymous said...

by the looks of the Ahlan site, you can be nominated online ... if you get a few friends to do it, and dress up your qualifications with suitable "owner of nice shop / good DJ / inhabitant of eezy squeezy bars" then you could do it.

Anonymous said...

the ahlan curse? diff director neil stephenson gets highlighted in the hot 100 one week, the next minute he is unceremoniously sacked in a diff press release. he wasn't even aware that the said statement was out. ouch. hot 100 to...unemployed.

Anonymous said...

What a complete load of rubbish. Ahlan's Top 100 epitomises all that is wrong and fake about Dubai. A bunch of self-important losers who are nothings at home and come to Dubai thinking that a cheap dress from Zara or getting into debt so they can drive a nice car makes them interesting and important. Dubai has no class. Yuck.

Anonymous said...

You can imagine what a great idea it semed at the time - all the big pop mags do it and E! is all lists all the time. But a year passes quickly and it's time to find another hundred. In a small barrel it doesn't take long to hit bottom. They should have gone with Top Ten. Every two years.

Anonymous said...

I hope with the drive to save the environment and go green etc, they will start by saving paper and not print these lists anymore....complete rubbish....

Anonymous said...

hi guys i just came across this website today itself. I think its great. i love all your comments about the Ahlan hot 100 it is a load of crap but there are a few people in there who desearve the tile of being called hot 100. Last years list had RJ Kritika. I was actually surprised to find her on that list as she dosent flaunt diamonds, sports cars,clothing outlets and is never in their magazines at any socialite parties. She takes up good social causes on her show on radio and has changed the life of a lot of people. Now these are the kind of people that the ahlan guys need to feature if they want any respect for the crap that they churn out. what say?